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I have never been more lost than when I think of you.
You were my compass, and now I’m spinning on the watery surface, afraid to touch the ground or find ashore. When we first met, you were like an oasis in the desert; warm and inviting with all of your promises for me to drink from. But as soon as I came close enough to taste it, there was nothing left but sand between my teeth. Now every time I think about you, there’s only dryness in my mouth and tightness around my chest that won’t let me breathe.
I am afraid of water
I used to be afraid of water, but now I live in it. It’s my only respite from the thoughts that drown me every time you’re near and remind me how much I miss the way things could have been. Just a little more patience, just a little less distance between us, and we would have had it all together.
Why not try?
But now here I am still trying to get out while there is hardly enough air left inside for anyone else to breathe with me. And everyone tells me that its better this way; that if you hadn’t walked away then everything would’ve stayed broken forever anyway so why not try? That thought barely hurts anymore because my heart has already hardened like an over-sanded piece of driftwood after It’s been almost a year since I last saw you, but it feels like time has stood still.
I can’t even breathe when I think about the last day we spent together and how things went. You were so angry with me for not telling you what was wrong that you left without saying goodbye. Maybe I should have told you sooner but then maybe nothing would happen between us at all and now here we are:
In this strange limbo where our feelings just stare back at each other from across an abyss of silence hewn by your absence. We spoke for hours over Skype earlier today; It felt good to finally say everything that had gone unsaid before But every word felt heavy on my lips.