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There are many reasons why people name their cows. Some do it to avoid the hassle of naming a human, some want to make fun of someone else’s cow, and some just like the sound of certain names.
Here is a list of sins that you should try and avoid when deciding on what to name your cows:
Giving your cow a name that sounds like it belongs to another animal. Sure, you might be able to get away with naming your bull something like ‘Buster’ but if you are going for high quality and organic meat then this will only lead to disappointment when customers start thinking about the fresh beef they’re eating after hearing their beloved Buster’s bellow coming from the butcher shop down street.
Naming your cow in honor of someone else’s special occasion or event. I’m not saying don’t give them an appropriate celebratory title such as Queenie (for example) on their first day at pasture while taking photos of her precious face; just don’t make every day a special occasion.
Giving your cow a name that reflects their owner’s thoughts and feelings about the animal (e.g., naming an animal ‘precious’ or ‘loved’) instead of just giving them something they might like based on sound or meaning (i.e., Cuddles, Daisy). This will lead to disappointment when your precious Precious is off her feed after being chased by dogs for days on end because you never gave her any toys to play with or worse yet she winds up in the kill pen due to rampant health issues arising from obesity since no one ever bothered to brush out all those hairs stuck in between her toes!
Letting some ones name influence you too much and going with a cow’s namesake (e.g., naming your dairy cows after famous Hollywood actresses). Sure, people will think you’re clever – but when the barnyard is littered with dented cans of Buttermilk Shy-Anne or Chocolate Ripple Reese; it’ll be hard to get away from that association in peoples minds!
Giving your cow an embarrassing/ridiculous sounding first name followed by their surname as though they are royalty (i.e., Buttercup LaFleur) This might work for humans on reality TV but its just not practical here! First off those last names are so long they cause trouble every time we try to sort milk into crates and secondly if you’re raising quality organic cows in the suburbs, these are the cattle equivalent of putting a cutesy bumper sticker on your Prius.
Giving your cow an unflattering first name and last initial (i.e., S.J.). In all fairness, this is not necessarily that bad if they have a really cool middle name to go with it! But we recommend spelling their initials out so there’s no mistaking what stands for who when scrawled across the side of every milk crate or feeding trough oops sorry Tuffy JK-S my bad!
Giving your cow a name that doesn’t describe them or tells something unflattering about them (i.e., Lump, Wimp). Some people might think this is clever or funny at first glance but it’s actually cruel! These cows are all just trying their best to be productive members of the dairy herd so please honor and respect each one by giving them a good name.
When naming your cow you should always reference her heritage with some sort of geographic indication – whether she was born in New Zealand, raised on the Yorkshire Moors, or hails from Vermont this will serve as an indicator for consumers who want to know where their milk comes from and how its been treated.
Giving your cow an age-inappropriate name. If you are trying to help the family farm stay afloat by selling organic milk and beef, then be aware that many of these farmers have just one or two milking cows left in their herd. This means they may only have a few animals or as low as one! at any given time so it’s important not to mix up sex with animal size when selecting names for new arrivals (i.e., Big Boy). It might seem cute on paper but “Big Girl” is more appropriate if she’s really small because there are lots of big boys around and none who were born recently enough to qualify for her.
Naming your cow after a celebrity or other famous person. You might think it’s funny but the joke is on you if he doesn’t have any personality and this makes for an oddly named animal in need of a new moniker! It may sound like fun to name her Lady Gaga, but then she will be Gaggy and not too happy about what others had to say when they found out who she was named after. Name them something that has some (or at least one) special meaning so these cows will live up to their namesakes from Day One instead of turning into branded cud chewers around the pasture pen because no one can remember why they were called “Seattle” either.
Adding a “y” to the end of cow names. It’s just not natural and it doesn’t fit when you have an animal with a name that ends in some vowel sound, such as Daisy or Dolly. If they are on their own farm or haven’t had any time for socialization at all, this could be understandable but if there is even one other cow within earshot then don’t make them feel awkward by adding something unnecessary onto the end of their regular name! You might think it will keep your cows from getting mixed up, but we guarantee these animals won`t mix anyways because they know who they are–and so do those around them.